Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
