No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
