so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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