I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
