It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
