Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
