ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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