you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
