So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
