Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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