like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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