she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
