True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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