Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
