i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
