soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
