That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
