why didn't you poke me back
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
