I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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