We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
