where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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