'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
