she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
