my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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