Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
