he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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