I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
