That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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