and she was petting her beer can
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
