I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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