I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
