I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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