My hand turned me down
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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