I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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