But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
