i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
