I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
