So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
