I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
