what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
