and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
