I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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