but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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