Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
