he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i think my cat just said my name.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
