dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
