Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
