Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
