My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
