the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
